Make Amends

I was driving home from the post office when I heard this beautiful story on Colorado Public Radio. Fifty-one-year-old Larry Israelson sought out his past favorite middle school teacher to try and make amends for having dropped his teacher’s class without explanation. That act alone would have made for an interesting story. What made Larry’s story notable was that after 39 years, Larry located his teacher, Mr. Atteberry and actually made amends.

What struck me was Larry Israelson’s genuineness. He had no ulterior motive. As a result of Larry’s actions, his children were able to witness their father model integrity and loving-kindness. Furthermore, because of Larry’s actions, other people who hear the story are now looking at their own lives, experiences, and relationships and seeking to make amends.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Coming forward with an open heart is what begins the healing process. In Larry’s story, Mr. Atteberry mirrored an open heart and sealed the deal.

Unfortunately, sometimes our own packages aren’t tied with a pretty bow. For instance, sometimes the following alternatives can occur:

  • We may seek to make amends with someone, and we get the door slammed in our face.
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Do It Again

I had my day all planned out. I knew what I was going to accomplish. Even my attitude was decent, having reached a rating of “7” on the 1–10 scale of the CalmUp® Journey.

At the end of the day, I felt disappointed that I hadn’t accomplished even one of my three main goals I had set for myself. “Great,” I told myself, “I put all that energy into completing the CalmUp® Journey, and I got nowhere.”

Nowhere? Looking back at my day…

A.    I started the morning in the hot tub with my husband followed by breakfast with my family.  (Those two activities alone would bring most of us to a “10”!)
B.    Later after work, I took a nap with the doggies then got started on one of my projects. (Wow—a nap!)
C.    Then there was driving our son home from his after school activity and having dinner all together. (Having a family dinner ought to count for something!)
D.    After we watched our favorite TV show, I took some personal time for my writing. (If all else fails, blog!)

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Overcoming Fear: Seven Tips You Can Use Today

In less than 30 minutes, can you fathom moving from feeling scared, nervous, overwhelmed, and stressed to feeling calm, peaceful, joyful, and trusting? Not all fear is the same. Fear can be debilitating and immobilizing. Fear can also prompt us into necessary action. In this blog I’m referring to irrational fear.

  • How can I let go of my fear?
  • How can I open to love?
  • How can I have more faith?

I remember imagining our baby being born with all of our family’s worst physical traits. When I held him for the first time, I was struck that I had completely forgotten about beauty. Our son is now a teenager, and I’m still in awe by his splendor. Why did I ever put energy into fear? Oh yes, soon he’ll be driving…

Feeling unwarranted fear is like being under a spell with no magic wand. The following seven tips for overcoming irrational fear are not magic, yet they work like a magic wand. If you’re feeling fearful, experiment with one or more of these tips, and you may be surprised at how quickly you may feel better.

  1. Breathe through your fear. Allow for your fearful feeling. Become fully present to the emotion.
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Trust Yourself

One of my CalmUp® customers shared with me that she has no problem working through the left “dark” side of the CalmUp® Journey. However, she often gets stuck on the right “light” side. It’s easy for her to list her dark, negative patterns of thoughts, feelings, and images. Exploring more useful, alternative ways of thinking, feeling, and seeing the world becomes more of a challenge.

I know that my customer speaks for the majority of us, so let’s explore some ways to move from stuck to adaptable:

A.    First, consider how you’d prefer to be. What’s your ideal self? How do you imagine expressing your essential self? Write these ideas down as you complete your CalmUp® Journey. Have trust that how you prefer to be someday is acceptable for today.

B.    A second way to explore the light side of the CalmUp® Journey is to close your eyes and be still. If you remain stuck on a particular level, just move on to another level and come back to that section later. Have trust that there is a solution for every problem, including yours.

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Anger Management On Your Own

I can’t remember the last time that I was enraged… prior to this week. Strangely, I now feel fortunate to have recently experienced fury once again. Fortunate? Yes, fortunate and blessed, because I was able to see how using the CalmUp® Journey works when it comes to anger management.

I wrote about stress management tips in my last blog, and I never anticipated raising the ante to anger management in my writing. However, as stated on my home page, “CalmUp® helps transform you into the person you aspire to be—for yourself, for others, for the world.” I believe that if the situations I experience help you grow as I grow, I must be doing what I need to be doing.

The first thing I discovered during my period of fury was that taking a CalmUp® Journey was the last thing I wanted to do. In fact, I avoided any introspection for a good 24 hours. I didn’t want to look at myself; I wanted to blame. Come to think of it, in some sick kind of way, I enjoyed the feeling of anger and wasn’t ready to let it go.

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Stress Management Tips for Joyful Efficiency

Busy is one thing—living in triage-mode is another. Since launching CalmUp®, my to-do list has spawned a new batch of subheadings. My personal organization system started to look like the backside of a cross-stitch. By good fortune, I learned about the technology of creating more than one reminder list.

Does having five reminder lists (the grocery list makes six) seem unreasonable? One person I know has separate reminder lists for each of his college courses, his employment, his hobbies, etc. He even has a written reminder to brush his teeth!

How can I become more efficient?

Reminder lists allow me to determine what I want to work on instead of feeling anxious or stressed out.

On the CalmUp® Journey (see www.DrLorieGose.com), I pictured living my life like a war zone or an emergency room whereby I was triaging the most crucial tasks of the day. Talk about a dark image! If my self-care suffered, then oh well. And if the dishes were all over the counter, who cares?

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Feeling Anxious and Wanna Shake It?

You complete your CalmUp® Journey, and your rating of peace and joy doubles from a “4” to an “8” on the 1–10 scale. Then on your way to the office, someone dangerously cuts you off in traffic, and your morning is now anything but calm. Your car is fine, and you’re fine. You just can’t shake the anxiety that seems to have taken hold of you.

What do you do? You have to get to work, and you don’t want to go in carrying the morning’s tension. No matter how much you tell yourself to stop being ridiculous, darker thoughts keep creeping in:

  • That bleep driver!
  • What if I’d have been hit?
  • So much for moving up to an “8.” Now I’m more like a “2.”
  • What if something were to happen to me, and I’m not there for my family?”
  • I’m so mad!

It’s strange how your day can change in an instant. A careless driver is just one example of the type of occurrence that has the power to shift your mood from radiant to fatalistic. Even simple events can become upsetting or disrupting, like a clothing tear or a spill, a bad hair day or a blemish, something that gets broken or destroyed. More serious events can leave you feeling anxious or heartbroken, such as the death of a loved one, learning of a terminal illness, or an unexpected disaster.

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Create a New Beginning

Have you thought about your goals for 2012? Are you ready to create a new beginning? It’s easy to say, “I want to be happy” or “I want to earn more money.” So what and why? What does that mean? How would you know if you were any happier? How much money do you want to make? On what do you want to spend that extra money?

The message for this blog is simple: what do you want, and how are you going to make it happen? At CalmUp®, our vision is to promote inner peace and self-fulfillment so that you can have more energy, live a genuine life, and spread all that joy to those around you.  How can CalmUp® help to transform you into the person you aspire to be if you don’t know the direction in which you’re heading?

I’d like to introduce you to a wonderful program for defining and tracking your goals for the year. It’s called Culture Counts and was developed by Whitney Walpole, a professional leadership coach. I was introduced to Whitney’s program a couple years ago when I was working to get CalmUp® off the ground. I don’t know of any better program for defining and achieving what you want.

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Testing the Power of Prayer

I’m remembering part of a story, the important part, which I’d like to pass on. A major attack had just occurred on a people. An eminent peace leader had been giving a talk when they were interrupted with the news about the attack. The leader asked everyone in the room to pray for the people—the attackers!

I thought of this story recently when a friend wrote to me about a tragedy that had just taken place in her small town. An eighth-grade boy was showing the dad’s gun to his older brother, a high school senior, who was accidentally shot and killed. A few days earlier, another friend shared with me the recent suicide of her friend’s fiancé. These events taking place before the holidays were heavy in my heart.

My intention is not to re-traumatize. My only purpose in writing about these events is to remind myself of the power of prayer this holiday season. It doesn’t take much effort to send a prayer to victims and family members of those whom we feel compassion. However, it can take serious conscious effort to send a prayer to the perpetrator of any event.

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Lighten Up!

I noticed the other day that one of my mentors wrote a newsletter this month with the same title. Is this a coincidence? I considered coming up with a new topic and title. Wait, I told myself, maybe it’s an important enough message to be told in more than one way.

I got the idea to write about the topic after my husband heard my last interview of “Regular Folks With a Noteworthy Story” and told me that I sounded too serious and needed to “lighten up.” My interpretation is that I need to laugh more, I could use more fun in my life, and I ought to mellow out. Yes, I had to admit that “lighten up” was good advice.

How can I lighten up?

Here comes full disclosure… On more than one occasion, even prior to my husband’s recommendation, I’ve questioned on the CalmUp® Journey how I could lighten up a bit. Here are a handful of suggestions I’ve integrated:

•    Schedule fun first
•    Spend more time in the hot tub
•    Take more naps
•    Bake
•    When your kid asks you to go sledding, say yes

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