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Tag Archives: loving relationships
I recently heard from a member of our CalmUp® community, Lionel Fisher. He shared about his health condition and not having much time left to live. Similar to the genuine conversations shared during his March and April 2013 interviews (Click here for Noteworthy Stories), this conversation was very real.
Lionel remarked that being near death made him realize what a “self-absorbed asshole” he had been and how he lost friends over the most stupid reasons. Needless to say, he doesn’t have the corner on stupid behavior.
“Lionel,” I said, “We’re all self-absorbed assholes. We’ve all done what you’re describing.”
While currently on hospice, Lionel is having important conversations. He discovered that the two most important words are too late. For instance, we say or do hurtful things and then it becomes
- Too late to make amends
- Too late to enjoy one another’s company
- Too late to speak from the heart
I feel thankful that my dad introduced me to Lionel. Along with his genuineness, another trait I admire about Lionel is his ability to be keenly insightful. At 82-years-old, his wisdom transcends protocol, trends, and social mores.
QUESTION: When was the last time that you spoke about love, with the conversation going deeper than saying, “I love you”?
- This week
- This year
- Can’t remember
QUESTION: How significant is love as a priority in your life? (Consider different forms of love, including romantic, familial, platonic, etc.)
- Not important
- Super important
QUESTION: How much love are you sharing with your loved ones on any given day?
It is clear that love is never simple, that it brings with it struggles of the past and hopes for the future, and that it is loaded with material that may be remotely—if at all—connected to the person who is the apparent object of love.
Wow. After chewing on the latter part of that sentence, I summarized his statement as follows: We bring parts of ourselves to relationships that have nothing to do with your loved one.
I remember your first birthday like it was yesterday. Having been born the day after your grandmother’s birthday, we had a big celebration when you turned 1 and she turned 60. It was close to Halloween, and your dad anointed you as a fellow Trekkie.
In kindergarten, your Waldorf teachers told us that you were an old soul and would always aspire beyond your years. They also said that you’d become a leader, and their wisdom proved accurate. We blinked, and here you are at 16—so handsome, so tall.
Dad and I are so proud of your wanting to follow in the footsteps of your Grandpa Wade, Jr. and your Great Grandpa Wade, Sr. by planning to join the Navy. Your decision seemed to be divinely inspired by these two men who never got to lay eyes on you, yet insisted that you be born to carry on the family name. (Of course, no one is in any hurry for that to happen!)
We’re grateful that we still have a couple more years to spend with you “living under our roof,” as your dad would say. As parents, there’s more to instill, even though you learned some of these lessons in kindergarten. Nevertheless, they bear repeating: