I can’t remember the last time that I was enraged… prior to this week. Strangely, I now feel fortunate to have recently experienced fury once again. Fortunate? Yes, fortunate and blessed, because I was able to see how using the CalmUp® Journey works when it comes to anger management.
I wrote about stress management tips in my last blog, and I never anticipated raising the ante to anger management in my writing. However, as stated on my home page, “CalmUp® helps transform you into the person you aspire to be—for yourself, for others, for the world.” I believe that if the situations I experience help you grow as I grow, I must be doing what I need to be doing.
The first thing I discovered during my period of fury was that taking a CalmUp® Journey was the last thing I wanted to do. In fact, I avoided any introspection for a good 24 hours. I didn’t want to look at myself; I wanted to blame. Come to think of it, in some sick kind of way, I enjoyed the feeling of anger and wasn’t ready to let it go.
Let’s face it, when you’re furious, you can feel powerful. I realize this kind of power is an illusion. Yet, at the time it’s hard to let go. To be honest, I haven’t surrendered 100% of my anger. It has only been shortly over 48 hours since having my buttons seriously pushed. My rating of peace and joy changed from a 3 to an 8 on the 1–10 scale.
The second thing I noticed was that it took me about twice as long to complete the CalmUp® Journey when I was furious. I found it challenging to transfer my anger into pen and paper. Once again, I felt like I wanted to hold onto its poisonous deliciousness. I also experienced a kind of eerie paranoia about putting my wickedness in writing.
Part of what took so long was that I fell asleep while working on Level VI—how bizarre. It was as if I had some serious soul searching to do, and when I awoke, I opened to “being loved with every interaction regardless of how it seems at the time.” What?! Could button pushing be an opportunity for love in disguise? (Read about the complete seven levels in my book, CalmUp® Journey: Your Daily Ascending Tool for Better Days).
Finally, the third thing I experienced was that my darkness was really dark, and that can be scary. It’s not easy going inward and looking at one’s innermost private thoughts and feelings, especially towards someone about whom (or something about which) you’re enraged.
I wasn’t concerned about loss of control or violence. The scary part for me was recognizing that like a lioness prepared to protect her family at all cost, I have to own that I’m capable of causing harm. Although this awareness wasn’t anything new for me, I just hadn’t thought of it in quite awhile. Managing our anger doesn’t mean that we don’t look at our dark thoughts and feelings; we just don’t act on them.
To summarize, (1) when you need anger management, don’t wait 24 hours like I did. Take the CalmUp® Journey at your earliest opportunity. True power is in sharing your love, not your anger. (2) Be prepared to spend some serious time completing your CalmUp® Journey when you’re enraged. You’re capable of safely opening your heart—you never know what you’ll find. (3) You don’t have to do the CalmUp® Journey by yourself. If you’re feeling unsafe in any way toward yourself or someone else, use the worksheet under the care of a treatment provider.
IT’S ABOUT YOU:
- Other than on the highway this morning (that’s a joke!), when was the last time that you felt seriously enraged, and how did you respond?
- You may think you don’t need the CalmUp® Journey for yourself (that’s denial!), if you were to purchase a copy of the book, which charity, program, or society would you donate it to?
- What’s your best coping mechanism when you’re feeling furious? And I don’t mean sitting in front of the television eating potato chips (that’s normal!)
Author: Dr. Lorie Gose